True emergency room visits

Thursday, May 24, 2007

The post title was the subject line of the following email my sister (a nurse) sent me today. I reserve the right to be skeptical. The first is odd and unbelievable, how does a fetus become lodge 'outside' the womb?. The second could be true. The third, I'm *very* skeptical about, (wouldn't the woman be in excruciating pain?); the fourth, I'm pretty sure the guy would be dead. The fifth, the nurse is incompenent (if this one is true) and the guy would be blind. The last is hilarious, but doubtful. So all in all, I offer you some interesting, entertaining, lies. *g*

INNER SKELETON---
A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20- inch long skeleton of a foetus, which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.

FEMALE SOFA---
A 500lb. (35.5 stone!!!) woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her privates.

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!
In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE? ---
A 20-year-old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (as you do)?!!. The concrete then hardened (no shit!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping-pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank goodness!!)

BLIND DRUNK---
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. a nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea!

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ---

A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out for the evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex on the man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's p*n*s and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.
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2 comments:

Alison said...

The last was a plot in a Grey's Anatomy episode. :)

Jaye said...

Really? lol. I jumped ship on
Grey's this season. It just wasn't up to the last two seasons. Hopefully, next year will be better.

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