Married Life (joke)

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes .After a few days they meet again.....


The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4” stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you, then we made love all night long.


'The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn' say a word. We just had wild sex all night.'


The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'


ETA: WoOT! We're off to catch a matinee showing of Bats!!

Also - I was googling Batwoman pics to go with this joke, and Oh my stars, look what I came across! lol. Didn't find the image I wanted, but this first illustration is pretty eye-catching. The panels are just too funny.

A Seinfeldian Moment

I just had an encounter with B.B.O (Beyond Body Odour--remember that episode?). It was the guy sitting beside me on the train. His was not the type of funk that reached out and bitch slapped you in warning, so you knew good and well enough to keep your distance. This was the sneaky, wrap-its-hands-softly-around-your-throat-and-strangle-you-in-your-sleep funk.

I counted myself thankful that I grabbed one of the last empty seats during rush hour. The train is packed belly to back, and I'm lugging a couple of bags of groceries. I pull out my book and start reading....

But at some point I realize there's this peculiar, very unpleasant smell that's pulling me out of my very pleasant read. Then I realize that the guy to my left is clammy. I'm wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and jeans by the way. The unpleasant odor is coming from him. I try and make myself 'smaller'--even crowding the chick on my right--so there's the least amount of body contact with this guy. But now that I've picked up his scent I can't shake it. It grows in stomach churning strength.

And, yet... I can't give up my seat!

So I casually place my hand at my mouth/nose, blocking that one nostril in particular as I (try to) keep reading.

Ugh. Not really working.

I can't take it anymore!!! The stop before mine, I get up and walk to the end of the subway car.

When I get home, I start unpacking the groceries, but realize I can still 'smell' him.

Eeek!

With the groceries only half unpacked, I go upstairs, strip and leave my clothes on the floor *beside* the laundry hamper. I put on some hang-around-the-house clothes that I'd left flung over the foot of the bed, and go back downstairs. (After giving that one arm a little spritz of perfume.)

Arrrrgh! The lingering STENCH is STILL there!! I go back upstairs, strip again, and again leave the clothes on the floor of the laundry.

I soap up in the sink with: 1)my facial scrub 2)the liquid hand soap. Then I go into the shower and using loofah mitts, bathe with: 1)The boy's Irish Spring Sport soap 2)shampoo 3)my verbona scented soap.

I use regular body lotion, as well as two different brands of perfume body lotion, as well as another spritz of perfume, and I slick the boy's Old Spice anti-perspirant down my one affected arm. I change into freshly laundered clothes.

And DAMN if I still wouldn't swear that I'm catching ghost whiffs of THAT STENCH!

This is beyond, BBO.

It’s WTFBBQBBO!

It’s Nuclear BO with the half-life of plutonium grade BO! BO-nium!

*sob!*

(I will spear myself in the chest with one of these exclamations points momentarily!)

What Fresh Hell is This?

Subtitle: Torso-rific man-titty mania.

Sub-subtitle: Toools with smooooth moooooves.

I remember the original old skool joint, who sang it? Sounds like some ish Keith Sweat-gonna-make-you-sweat was flinging around. (Just checked, it's by H-Town, who also sang the less successful "Lick U Up").

At the 1:12 point keep your eyes to the right of the screen and you will be rewarded with multiple explosions in your head that will render you speechless. (These types of momemts never involve in a bang, but a whimper. Usually yours).

OMG, those high-heeled elf boots! They were the hotness back then. And, Oh yes you sooo did wear them with a short skirt (and fishnet stockings, just to be really classy). Bonus points for the metallic (p)leather finish.

Thank Zod and blessed be to Krypton that those years are long gone.




Link picked up from FourFour

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Totally unrelated.... BATMAN is out!!!!!

Another bumbling review from moi

The second category romance I read recently was a Harlequin Presents.

Those of you who read and enjoy Presents know what to expect--hero who's rich (preferably megazillionaire), powerful, ruthless, devastatingly handsome, etc., teamed with a more pure of heart, virgin (or close facsimile thereof) heroine and a story loaded with lots of emotion--angst, high drama, oodles of sexual tension/passion.

I think what got me on this one was the one-two punch of the blurb and tagline:

Out of the office....and into his bed

Cormac Douglas doesn't let emotion get in the way of business. Now he needs a weekend wife to secure a prestigious contract, and biddable secretary Lizzie Chandler is the perfect candidate.
Lizzie is outraged, but Cormac's ruthless persuasion leaves her wanting more. When he asks for her services again, she finds herself agreeing to be his hired wife…in the bedroom as well as the boardroom.

Jaye: Woot! I'm a sucker for the cold emotionless hero whose heart is finally melted by the luuuuurve (and magical whohaw) of a good woman.

Here's the cover:




I think this is another magic wand moment because this is what I really think the cover should have said:





Isn't that the bestest title evah!?

Okay, maybe this would be the most awesomest, bestest, title evah:

..."Shut up
my breathtaking whore!"-from The Unfeasibly Tall Greek Billionaire's Blackmailed
Martyr-Complex Secretary Mistress Bride (link)

So, why, you wonder, am I having fun with the title of the book? Well let me give an example:

'What I'm after,' Lizzie replied, her voice turning slightly shrill with desperation, 'is getting you out of my bedroom and my house. You may be my boss, but you don't have any rights in here.' Jaye: You tell him, girl!
'I wouldn't want any.' he scoffed, and too late Lizzie realised how it had sounded. Bedroom rights. Sexual rights. With a small smile, he bent down and hooked the strap of her discarded bra on his little finger, dangling it in front of her. 'A bit too small for my tastes.'

Jaye: Oh hell no. He did not just go there.

But he did! And he does! Over and over. I read on just to see what other bits of sweet nothings would fall from this man's lips; staying up till well after 1 AM to finish this book, and I enjoyed myself with each gasp of outrage at the hero's actions/statements.

A simply delicious 'guilty pleasure' read.

I found the 4-star review over on Amazon to be interesting to say the least, but there's an excerpt over there as well. I'd definitely give another book by Ms. Hewitt a try!

Behind the Book & More on FSB

It's Wednesday, so that means it's Behind the Book at Southern Fried Chicas.
Today's guest is Rachel Caine of the Weather Wardens series--so come on by!

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And look what's at Powell's; The book trailer for FSB! (which kinda makes up for the fact that there's no book blurb or excerpt....)

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Mrs. Giggles does Felicity

"In a way, Felicity Stripped Bare is a good read. I love the heroine's initial sass and attitude. Daniel is an okay hero,.."

Hmmm... I believe a little Nip and Tuck action is in order (for my fragile ego blurbing purposes only):

"...Felicity Stripped Bare is a good read! I love the heroine's... sass and attitude! Daniel is a... hero!"

Now we're Golden. heh

"And as much as I try to understand the heroine, Felicity's constant pattern of falling into the blues and picking herself up subsequently gets tedious eventually. Her behavior soon becomes artificial, as if the author is trying to keep the story going by racking up the number of internal conflicts between Daniel and Felicity."


Ouch!

::waves magicwand::

"...I...understand...Felicity...falling into the blues and picking herself up....

(T)he author...keep(s) the story going by racking up...internal conflicts between Daniel and Felicity."


I wubs you MagicWand. You are truly magical.


Seriously, though, she gave it a 78/100 (a 'not bad' read, going by her rating). And of course I'm happy she gave the book a try, and...

"As this is a debut effort, I'd be most intrigued to see what Ms Jaye has to offer in the future"

...that she's willing to give me another shot.

Read the full review here. It's not as bad as the excerpts I've manhandled for the purposes of having fun with this post make it out to be.

And for new visitors to this blog, you'll find a couple of earlier reviews, here and here.
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Going to start this book tonight

Hero: Dreamwalker/Incubus. Works for the US gov't.

Heroine: Thief. Can shapeshift into any human form.

Heat factor: Yowzah!

Genre: (Publisher sez) Paranormal Erotic Romance. (Jaye sez) Looks like there's a suspense subplot here, which interests me more than the para elements (even though, those are waaay uber cool).

Hopes & Fears: High. One of my favourite subgenres is romantic/erotic suspense.

Blurb- A Dreamwalker trained by the U.S. to assassinate people through their dreams, and an incubus dutybound to stop the country’s enemies, Damon prefers seducing women in their sleep.

A shapeshifter and master thief, Rory is a woman who is always up for a challenge. When a national security threat arises, the two must join forces—and their unique abilities.

As they are quickly embroiled in a race against time, they must fight for their lives together. And as tensions mount, fate only knows if they can also fight their rising attraction.

Amazon page

And check out the book vid:

Whatever Happened to the Rock Power Ballad?

I'm sitting here watching this Time Life informercial for the Ultimate Rock Ballad Collection--"9 CDs, 153 hits! This collection is not sold in stores, so call now!!" And Dammit, if I ain't tempted to. Look at some of this line up:


Peter Frampton
REO Speedwagon
Eddy Money
Styx
Nazareth
Kiss,
Boston
Rod Stewart
Lynard Skynard
Foreigner
Pat Bennatar
Cheap Trick
The Cars
Journey
Sheriff
Air Supply (shut up!) The kid is snickering like crazy right now. My god there was a lot of big hair and tight leather back then!
Toto
Bad Company
38 Special

Now,I love me some RnB (LL Cool J's "Hey Lover" came up on the iPod lastnight for the first time in a long time) but Rock ruled the airwaves while I was growing up and that music will always be tied into many of my memories from that time.

Blink And You Might Miss It!

So good thing I took pictures!



I made it to the My Bookstore and More Top 10 Best Sellers List -- at #10!



Thank you, thank you, thank you, everyone who decided to give Felicity a try and/or spread the word!!

:::writhing in multiple geekfantasic geekasms::

Books Read Recently

I don't read a lot of category books, but thought I'd post about 2 recent books I enjoyed for entirely different reasons. (This post is kinda long, so I'll do the feedback on book 2 tomorrow).

Beth Andrews - NOT WITHOUT HER FAMILY (Harlequin Super Romance). A couple of A-grade reviews had me searching this one out, and I'm glad I did. It's a fantastic read.

From the opening paragraph I knew I wasn't reading (what I thought of as) a regular Harl Category. There's a freshness in the voice of the author and in the characterization. Not to knock the incredible amount of talent it takes to put out a fully fleshed out story within the confines of category guidelines, but I won't be surprised if Ms. Andrews make the jump to Single Title in the near future.

Synopsis:It's nothing but trouble for Jack Martin, chief of police, when Kelsey Reagan blows into town. Her ex-con brother just became the prime suspect in a murder, and this "reformed" bad girl vows to prove he's innocent. She even blames herself for her brother's jail record—for her brother's convicted crime.
And now Jack's precocious young daughter is beginning to idolize Kelsey.

But an error in judgment nearly cost the widowed cop his career once; he's never going to let that happen again. Not even for a gorgeous troublemaker like Kelsey

I loved the hero and heroine, and the secondary characters felt real. The 'mystery' while not taking up too much time on the page, wasn't obvious (to me at least) in terms of who the villian was. But then again I was focused on the interactions and developing romance between the H/h. This is a pretty hot book. The sexual awareness is there from page one and there's a couple of nicely (and satisfyingly so) executed lovescenes.

Also, I'm not a huge fan of kids in romances. But the hero behaving as a 'responsible' father, and the heroine's uncomfortable reaction to 'the kid' as she refers to her (*g) are well done. A big fat recommend coming from me on this one. Last year I read Jessica Bird's Special Edition release and loved it. I love this book more. Nuff said.

There's an excerpt on the Amazon page and the book page over on eHarlequin.

OOoooo, Shiny! Part III

Not only is Dee Tenorio a talented writer, but she's wiz at book trailers! Look what she did for me:



Swuheeet.

Yeah, yeah, I've been all over online saying how book trailers have never influenced me to purchase a book, but they're definitely a fun little thing to have for readers/visitors.

If you like this trailer, drop Dee a line. Here's some more of her work.

Oooo Shiny Part II

You like?

The website is very similar (the headers on each page vary), but I decided to keep the blogger blog for now.

So without further fanfare....

Welcome to Vanessa Jaye.com

Sweet, huh?



**ETA - Sorry for the absence, guys. Access to Blogger is blocked at work, so all the activity you've seen happening here was Kat doing her thing. (Thank you Kat!) I owe a bunch of replies to emails, but thank you, everyone, who sent along a personal message! And thanks for everyone who posted here, also! I'm working on 4 1/2hrs sleep, so bare with me as I slowly catch-up. Responses/replies are coming.

And lastly, Phoebe, who won my 'knock-knock' contest, has the reviiw up, so I'm linking to Phoebe's blogsite here. Thanks again Phoebe, for entering and being game to give your opinion!

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Oooo, Shiny!

Today is the release day for Felicity Stripped Bare!! At the time of this posting they haven't updated the Newest Releases page yet (that'll probably happen by noon), but here's the Samhain page for Felicity! Weeeeeeee!!




My lovely webdesigner was up till 3 am last night, I was up till 1am and we were both up at 6am, but there's just one more little hump to get over and the site should be live later on today.

Stay tuned....

And OMG! AztecLady reveiwed Felicity Stripped Bare over on Karen Knows Best!

"..They are both painted so well, their feelings and struggles—internal, with each other, with their past, with their families—so real, that my heart was in my throat more than once while reading this novel."

"Felicity Stripped Bare is a winner for me. Here’s hoping to see many more such novels by Ms Jaye in the future."

Go Read The Rest!!!

Dang, I gotta jam outta here and get to work! I'm late!

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UPDATE: 07.08.08 - Felicity is officially on the Samhain New Releases page.

Another Check In

Just got out of the the Romance Junkies Chat. It was a lot less painful than I thought. lol. I had fun, and what to thank those of you who made it over.

We ran into a tiny snag with the website, so Kat's working on that. Crossing my fingers we get the site up tomorrow, but... that might not happen. :-P

The amazing, lovely, generous, talented Dee Tenorio is doing a video for me! She just ran the picture choices and script past me and, dang, that woman is good. I am truly blessed with some fantastic friends. I'll post the vid as soon as she's done.

And I got one review in already! Coffee Time Romance gave Felicity Stripped Bare 4 (out of 5) cups. The review is here. (It's one of those reviews where the rating is high, but the text leaves you not quite sure the reader liked it... lol. But hell, I'm not about to check out the gift horse's tonsils. Know what I mean?)

One thing about the review that I found interesting is the Cinderella connection. That fairytale never once crossed my mind while writing the book, but I can see how she picked that theme out of the book. cool.

Phoebe, my contest-that-shall-not-speak-it's-name winner, also dropped me a line saying that she'll be posting her thoughts on FSB tomorrow, so stay tuned...

I feel like I'm missing something, but too tired to figure out what. It'll keep, I'm sure.

::bouncebouncebounce::

Check In

I think I had a low level migraine for the last 4 days straight. Not fun. Oh and this shit? It'll f'you. lol. Probably the strongest over the counter stuff you can get.

So far this morning, no pain. ::fingers crossed::

I think my web-designer said she hopes to have my new KICK ASS website up by some time tomorrow.

Just in time for the Felicity Stripped Bare release. ::grin::

And I heard from a reviewer yesterday who recently read Felicity and she loved it! Review will be up tomorrow and I'll post the link. I didn't get a sneak preview of the review, so have no idea what she liked/didn't like. Stay tuned.

Tonight I'll be taking part in the Romance Junkies' Samhain Authors' Chat at 9-10pm EST. (Watch out of for the SitePal talking head at that link) Swing by if you have a chance.

And don't forget to swing by Southern Fried Chicas on Wednesday. Our Behind the Book Guest will be Urban-Fantasy author Jeri Smith Ready.


ETA- I made a mistake, Wednesday's Behind the Book guest blogger is Paranormal Erotic Romance Author Emma Peterson over on Southern Fried Chicas.
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