Here's my list of ....

Friday, July 08, 2005

Three things that pissed me off today

1. Every freakin time I'm late for work, like this morning fer instance, this is what happens on every freakin escalator I hit.

Yes, I know there are stairs, and believe me i would take them, if they didn't resemble, and feel like, this.

Walk to the Left, Stand to the Right, people! And do your knuckle dragging on the right too.

2. Yesterday, I bought a some cheese and fruit for an afternoon snack, but was so busy i forgot to eat them. I left the apple on my desk, and put the piece of cheese in the lunchroom fridge at the end of the day. Today when I went to get the cheese midmorning. It was gone. Some greedy rat had taken my cheese.

What did you think, ratjerkassface, that the cheese just walked into the fridge all by itself? Did you make a wish to the Dairy Fairy, and thought *my* cheese was the answer to your prayers? Finders, eaters--is this your life's motto? I hope you suffer a severe bout of runny diarrhea and fart all night.

3. One of my coworkers sees me today, first thing in the morning, and says: "Nice outfit. It's so slimming."



I am a solid, sexylicious size 8/10, depending on the cut and fabric. Granted this coworker knew me when I was a size 4/6 (sometimes even a 2), but what's that? One whole stinkin size up, and she says something like that? I haven't been to the gym in months nor have I been very particular about my eating habits lately. But that comment was uncalled for. If someone looks good, they look good no matter what freakin size they are.

And furthermore, I remember when you were taking those vitamin B shots, and watching every calorie, for TWO WHOLE YEARS, just to come down to the size I am now.

Too bad you ran out of bank before you ran out of ass.

(How you like me now, beeyoitch?)

I luurve my curves, baby. They don't need slimming.
So you can...

**(note to any lurking butt fetishers: none of the asses depicted in this post belong your hostess.)
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Anonymous said...

Dam... I kinda thought the last one was cute...LOL

Brenda Bradshaw said...

LOL! Got issues going, huh? I should never come back after that AWFUL picture. What an inspiration to diet, though.

raine said...

My dear Ms. is now TOTALLY not pc to use the word 'retard'.
Yes, yes, even as they pick the lice from each other's backs, we should call them 'evolutionarily challenged'. :-O

Jaye said...

LOL. I guess I should have added 'and non-lurking' Dude. ;-)

Brenda, I edited the phrase 'Hit This' from that second last picture before posting it...

Raine, it's only non-pc, if it's not true. ;-) Besides, I was being nice; I wanted to call them fuckards.

Amie Stuart said...

*running to the treadmill*

Dear God, please tell me my thighs don't look like that. Please.

Dodgson said...


Kate R said...

I'd celebrate if I had that last butt -- on me, I mean.

Canadi-anna said...

Great blog. Thanks for the laugh.

Jill said...

So I wasn't alone in a shitty day yesterday. Next time leave the cheese on a loaded rat trap. Thanks for the laugh!

Suzanne said...

LOL, Jaq!!!!!!!

Danica said...


I am so dying over here!! And hey, I used the word f*cktard this week too!

Although you are scaring me slightly as I totally relate to your description of your size and the beotch at work's comments (I get those from my mom and SIL)... and sadly, I looked at that last picture and thought, hey I can even relate to that butt.

Pat Kirby said...

Oh my. I haven't been by this blog in a while. And when I return, what do I find. The gignormous ass that ate Chicago.

Lord have mercy. I'm blind.

Great posting. Sooo very true about the twits on the escalator.

Jaye said...

I have to admit, I had a good time putting this post together. It was good therapy. I was one grumpy chick all day, let me tell ya.

Oswald Croll said...

Solid! Now that's an ass Raine. And the second one was OK too.

Anonymous said...

First of all, set up the co-worker (most likely the bitch who made the comment to you. Load up a seriou "stink palm" and coat some perfectly cut cheese and leave...wait, within an hour, they will be sicker than hell! Secondly, I use to have an ass like that, got injured and now I am leaning towards the larger one...not that bad but I feel that way. Heading to MX for LB on Wednesday. I would have to say that the bitch is jelious as hell and most likely, she has no ass and is in dire need of one. She most likely is stuffing a pillow in her underware so she can have booty. If she would have done that to me, I would have demonstrated to her that not all females pull hair, scratch and cat fight. The next time she says anything, offer her a nice quite walk in the park, where all the dogs belong.

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