Letters of Record

Monday, February 23, 2009

Dear Muse,

I know you're probably lazing in as I write this this morning, wherever muses laze when they're not working hard at, erm, you know, that inspiration thing you do.

I do appreciate you showing up more regularly lately. Honestly. For awhile there our relationship was going through a rough patch, but we're in a better place now, no?

Here's the thing, honeybunch. Your timing? It sucks. Do you think you could show up befor 9:30pm? I gotta get up early for work in the morning and getting to bed after 1am is kiling me.

True, I could start without you, but it's not the same, I slog through every sentence, and end up wanting to rip the work apart. When you show up, the words just flow, the characters come alive and I really believe I might be on to something.

You complete me, Muse.

But this clandestine late night love affair is killing me. Can you show up an hour or two earlier, and maybe break for the night around midnight?

Love you bunches!


* ~ * ~ *

Dear Computer Tech guy,

Sorry, I don't remember your name, it's been about 3 yrs and, I'm not exactly sure which one of the guys in the shop I should be addressing my concern to.

You were a neighborhood store and I gave you my business in good faith, in turn you did a good job and were always pleasant when I dropped in.

As I recalled most of the times I came into your story I was in business attire as I was coming home from work. Also, you might have seen me walk by in the evening or week-ends. It's a nice walk down to the park, plus my friend owned the coffee shop across the street (did you ever go over there? They had great coffee didn't they? Their food menue was small, but selective and tasty, and you may have even enjoyed the elective, kick-ass group of bands/musicians that performed there regularly. Of course the supermarket and drugstore were in that direction too, so you might have seen me in more casual wear in the neighborhood. But I always felt I was tastefully dressed.

So why is it, Tech guy, that this weekend, when I was panicked over losing some of my writing and scouring my hard drives trying to find it, I discovered a file where the Administrator was identified as: lapdancer/my real name?


I guess it's slightly amusing (from your fratboy pov). And I could even say a bit flattering in a backhanded MILF implied way. Sort of.

But it was undoubtedly disrespectful.

Don't do that shit to your female customers. You never know which one of them might have a big, burly, insanely jealously, hair-trigger temper, roidy boyfriend, who'll come down there and pound a shitload of manners into you in such a way that you'll be eating through a straw and peeing out a hose for months.

Kind Regards,

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azteclady said...

Nothing to say to the muse but the tech guy? Holly ever effin' hell!

Talk about unprofessional behaviour.

Lynn Viehl said...

Dear Vanessa,

Your Muse is hanging out with me today, having a pot of tea and planning revenge on the tech guy. We thought sending a busload of male strippers in costume to the store to ask for the guy and demand to know why he put "writer/real name" as their Administrator ID, and to complain to the manager about how many free lapdances he tries to get from them at the strip club.

PBW's Muse

P.S. Your muse says she can't sleep but if you get her a stripper she'll try a little harder this week.

raine said...

Part I: Think our muses are related. Mine likes to show up just before I drift off to sleep, leading me to vault out of bed looking for something to write with while said muse laughs its buns off.

Part II: Asswipe.

vanessa jaye said...

Aztec, the shop is in my old neighbour, so without I doubt, even if I took leave of my senses, it's a sure thing they'll never be getting business from me again!

vanessa jaye said...

Dear Lynn's Muse,

My muse can have the strippers she wants, if she starts showing up here at a decent hour.

(We're talkin' fictionalized strippers, right?)

vanessa jaye said...

"Mine likes to show up just before I drift off to sleep,"

Oh, mine has done that too. Sometimes I do jump out of bed. Sometimes I too darn exhausted.

Dee Tenorio said...

Am I the only one who's muse tries to nose in whenever I'm getting lucky??

Maybe I should go hang out with the asswipe, lol.

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