Good Ole Vanilla

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Thank god for variety. A little something for everyone, ya know?

When it comes to erotic romance, I’ve tried more than a few flavours— Big banana bonanza chunky hot monkey lovin, Ménage a trios mocha fudge, Strawberry dildo dom pistachio gelato.

Some I liked more than others. Depending on the skill used to wield the scoop and how it was packed into the cone. ::snort:: But most of them were fairly rich in story and creamy in characterization. A few extra chocolate-coated nuts just added zing! to the plot.

Cherry poppin rocky road double entry laced with caramel ribbon restraints? Erm…. Okay. ::unsure:: Sounds kinda hot. ::prurient interest:: Why not, I’ll take a small, please. Besides, the plot seems interesting. (There is a plot, right?)

Now, how about some Hazelnut-hermaphrodite bestiality-butterscotch marshmallow-lifemates four-on-one-fruit-fiesta crotch-sniffing crunch? And would you like some Spanking twincest bdsm pony-boy frigging sauce on that with Nipple-clamp rimming sprinkles?


I'm going to have to give that one a pass. Where's my after dinner mint?

All those kinks packed into a soggy little, leaky, improbable cone of a story, and I'm asking, where’s the creamy dairy goodness holding the whole thing together?

That’s my problem with a lot of erotic romances. The barest of lip serivice, if that, is given to character, plots are plainly contrived to set up the escalating sex acts, and the emotional payoffs are unsupported (show, don't tell) so I just don't believe in them.

And in the end, that's what I'm reading for. Not just the hawt sauce sex, but the cool craft of story. Satisfaction in the emotional payoff. As long as it says 'erotic romance' as the genre description, I want that believable HEA/HFN --no matter how many nuts I have to suck the chocolate coating off ;-)

Lately my interests have been more or less confined to good ole vanilla flavoured building sexuality and love scenes.

Bring the milk of conflict slowly to a boil, then add a vanilla pod of sexual awareness to infuse the milk with flavour.

Beat together the egg yolks of characterization and sugared motivation, until thick.

A little more time over the fire, a few more well thought-out steps and continued careful stirring of the mixture, and voila— under all the possible topping choices and add-ins, there's good ole damn delicious vanilla.

The chunky monkey, mocha fudge, strawberry gelato are still on the menu, but not as a staple. As for the other flavors, I think I’m on a diet for the foreseeable future.

But, hey, for the more adventurous readers, the flavor combinations are limitless and out there. It’s all available, and just a matter tastes.

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azteclady said...

Agree, agree, agree, leaving to get some ice cream now.


raine said...

Gawd, I LOVE it, lol!!!!
And I think I'm with you on the basic ingredients. A change of pace/taste here and there, yum, but I want my sundae well-constructed. Not all sprinkles and whipped cream.

Now I'm hungry.
Excellent post. ;)

Gennita said...

Pul-lease. Do not EVER mix strawberry dildo with my pistachio gelato again. Or I will cut you.

vanessa jaye said...

AL- Will that be one scoop or two? ;-)

Seriously, Raine & Genn - *For me* the envelope has been pushed a little too far in some cases. Not even a voyeuristic/prurient interest comes into play at this point. In fact, there are some books that do sound interesting but the 'out there' sex stuff works as a deterrent to reading, and an inticement. :-P

Gennita said...

Oh, I agree. Your analogy with the icecream flavors is perfect. I love me icecream, but when they have stuff like Bubble Gum Chunky Brownie, is it icecream any more?!

There's pushing the envelope and there's shoveling it through the shredder, you know?

azteclady said...

Agreeing with Gennita and continuing:

besides which, there's nothing unsatisfying about good old Neapolitan is there?

Seriously, they can keep all the weird combinations, gimme some good quality old fashioned flavors and I'm happy.

vanessa jaye said...

That should be: "but the 'out there' sex stuff works as a deterrent to reading, rather than an inticement."

vanessa jaye said...

Also agreeing the Genn's shredded envelope analogy.

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