Today's Ramble on Reading and Writing. Part 1

A couple of days ago, my editor sent Felicity Stripped Bare back to me for one last go-thru, on my part, before she rolls up her sleeves and the bloodletting begins. *g*

Those were my words, not hers. I'd like to think that it's as close to best it can be and I can do at this point and time. I'm *not* going to fiddle with anything major (if anything major catches my eye) because that can lead to more headaches than it's worth. I'll just have to stand by the story as is. Instead this will be a hunt for typos (because they're always there, no matter how many times you and your many critique partners have gone over it). Also, my editor did mention that when she read the revised ms, she noticed that the language had become a bit more erotic...

Busted! lol. In my defense, I recall reading some comment or blog post, while I was revising, that was about 'language used in love scenes'. It made me concerned that with Daniel and Felicity being a young couple in their late 20s, early 30s, there were places that the language might have been a little too euphemistic. Considering I didn't do a wholesale search and replace for more graphic descriptions, it looks like it might have been a mistake to change the language as much as I did. Or maybe it was just the places I chose to change it. The last thing you want is a reader being pulled out of a crucial point in a scene because of phrasing choices.

I was reading an excerpt online recently. It was for an erotic romance (or maybe erotica, featuring an m/m/f). The sample was an excerpted love scene that was very intense, but swear to god if I didn't CRINGE every time a certain body part was mentioned. I'm not a prude. It is a word I've used in real life. But it didn't suite the tone/language of the scene. IMO, the scene would have been much hotter without the word.

In addition, I just finished reading an erotic (contemporary) romantic suspense. There were some terms used that made me:

A) Go WTF?
B) Laugh Out Loud
C) Make a 'Yuck' face.

Yanno, sometimes clichés, or 'boring/mild terms' are just fine. They say what they must, convey what's needed, but blend into the language. And avoid the reactions as listed above. You be surprised out many details you can leave out. The reader will fill it in from an emotional well-spring of memory (whether that be personal memory, or collective recall from movies/books, etc). For example:

An old farm kitchen, with a loaf of freshly baked bread cooling on counter.*

I'm betting everyone who just read that short sentence (fragment. heh) got an instant snap-shot image and resulting visceral reaction from that pretty vague/broad description. There's no mention of whether the counter was old, scarred butcher-block wood that had been hand oiled for years and glowed with a mellow honey color. Or if it were a new granite counter, that complimented the original stone floors, or linoleum that the current owners grandparents had installed.

Yes, those details do add to the scene, and, it's reasonable to think that the more detail you add, the more enriched the scene becomes. But writers have to be careful they don't lose that initial emotional punch, by piling on a bunch of stuff that might not be needed (at that particular time and place). Or mentioning the hot pink shag carpeting in the old farm kitchen.

See, now you're thinking 'wtf?' about that carpet, and those initial feelings of comfort and nostalgia that sprang to life at the mention of 'freshly baked bread' and 'old farm kitchen' have been pushed aside.

There may be a very good, intriguing, reason for the rug. Perhaps it absolutely suits the owner's quirky personality. But what's more important here, pointing another arrow at character personality? (which had already been established) Or building that emotion?

If you want to do both, select another detail, perhaps: 'one wall in the kitchen is painted a bright, fresh green that echoed the lush lawns viewed through the large window over the sink'. Your reader still has that feeling of well-being, but not jolted out of the scene, as the you could stop, for now, with the details you've given. It's enough.

They say 'Character is Story'. Well, consider that 'Story is Emotion'.


*