Idol Ladies, idle with my precious time

Carly Smithson – Crazy on You by Heart. Pretty Darn Good performance. But didn’t blow me away. Still missing that *zing!* for me.

Where’s the crazy, Carly? Where. Is. The. Crazy? .

And wonders never cease. No ‘dawg’ from Randy yet, and Paula’s still sort of making sense. (but it’s early times yet.)

Simon touched upon my concerns when he talked about her needing to do a song that gives her *the absolute moment.*

Carly: Pant pant pant pant pant.

***

Ayesha Mercado. wow. That baby cry imitation was creepy.

Oooo, Me and Mr(s) Jones. Love this song. But, about this performance... I dunno …..

None of these Idols seem to be able to make the slow songs work. Wait a sec, she belted out a nice string of high notes! But now she’s back to sedate.

Thing is, I don’t believe she’s ever had a Mr. Jones in her life. I’m not getting the *heartache*. I’m not getting the ‘dirty sex on a hot afternoon with some borrowed man meat’ vibe.

But she sure can hit those high notes.

.“Give’ em what you got girl!” sez da big dawg.

Oh noes! Here comes Paula Mcmumblemumblemumble.

I agree with Simon. This singer brings no authenticity to that song.

***

Brooke White. Yeah, I’m soooo surprised you went to The School of Beauty Curlture and Glamour Shots Emporium. Absolutely flabbergasted. OMGWTFBBQ! Girl, keep those dark secrets to yourself. I’m going to expire from acute excitementations. Srsly.

Now this is a good choice! Carly Simon You’re So Vain. This really suits her voice and the guitar is a nice touch. Oops. Spoke too soon. She tried to go too low on the chorus and you can hear her voice straining.

Okay. Officially bored now. How many verses is she allowed to sing? Those low notes aren’t her friend. Don’t listen to those back-stabbing notes, grrrl. You do look fat in those jeans!

It’s amazing how Paula can stumble along and sound so earnest, yet say nothing at all.

Sorry, Simon. While I also thought it was a great song choice, meh on the execution. No love here.

***

Ramiele Malubay. Another Amazing! Surprising! fact. She dances!

She’s such a cutie.

Okay, another great choice of song, it starts slow and ramps up. Great to show off her vocals and nice upbeat chorus for the audience.

Erm….. spoke too soon again. She didn’t hit the up beat as big as I expected. Where’s the passion from these Idols? Yes, I’m going to drive y’all effing crazy asking this damn question over and over again.. They’re all *performing*. I want *heart* dammit!


That’s right, Randy. That wasn’t dope. Keeping it real, dawg. Woof!

Here comes the Paula mumblemumblemumble, stumbling over the King’s English again.

And Simon was able to not only decipher what she said, but agree with it.

***

Kristy Lee Cook. Oh for kristy’s sake. She’s sitting there in her baseball cap and t-shirt, looking pretty tomboyish to me, and that’s her big secret? ::rolls eyes across the room, out the door and under a bush::

Love this song. You're No Good by Linda Ronstadt. Don’t like Kristie’s little ‘walking strut kick and a jiggle-jiggle’ dance. Not impressed with the vocals. Once again, not believing this. She’s obviously never been with a *No Good Man* She needs to go speak to Alanis Morrisette, or Carrie Underwood, Or Bridget Moynahan . Rage. It’s a good thing.

By the way, how ironic the song title. heh.

Yo, Randy! I’m missing the ‘pitchy’ comments. Decided to change it up on me?

And Paula. ”You’re back, you’re back, you’re back!” With your nothing comments.

Is this a kinder, gentler Simon tonight? I think he’s suppressing his rage. Where’s my dreamcrushing Simon of Smug? I miss him.. ::pouting::

***

Amanda Overmyer - Oh my gawd! It’s a Rock and/or Roll Bride of Frankenstein!

Song: Kansas – Carry On My Wayward Son,

Nope. Not feeling it. Carry your ass on off the stage. She’s talking, not singing, on the low notes. Which makes me think she was yelling, instead of singing, in previous episodes. Either way, she’s definitely off tonight. Maybe she’s sick. I think Janis Joplin is her one note fringed bag.

Pitchy! Ha! I knew he couldn’t get though an episode without saying it. A dawg without his pitch, is like a Paula without her hootch, and a Simon without his Mantitty revealing tight tees. (Remember to do those self-examinations, Simon, and visit your OB/GYN yearly!)

Paula mumblemumblestumble. Do what feels right, Paula. Have another drink. (Wow. She actually enunciated ‘juxtaposed’.) But quit with the beating round the bush crap. You want to slur what Simon just said: That hair? Not good, dawg. Simply ghastly!

What are you going to tell her next ‘you have a nice smile and a great personality’? ::snort::

***

Is this a good time to eff up Chikkeziggy’s name?

***

Alaina Whitaker. Okay, now we’re talking some weird surprising sh*t. Most peeps outgrow that food touching other foods thing. Or have it beaten out of them. (Along with 'the tar', and 'all that sass'.)

Another surprising fact-- Why she thought this was a good song choice.

(Y?)

Hopelessly Devoted To You by Olivia Newton-John.

Weeviles Warble, but they don’t hit high notes.

I don’t know either, Randy….. how Paula could say that Alaina "did a really good job".

Take a drink, Paula. You must be parched after that astute assessment.

****

Alexandria Lushington. Skipping the surprising stuff. Although it was touching. Song by Chicago – If You Leave Me Now. Now why hasn’t she made this more soulful/R n B or jazzy, or whatever? This is soo muzak. If I closed my eyes I could pretend I’m still at the office and heading downstairs for my coffee break.

Paula. Shut your mumble hole. There’s nothing relevant about that comment.

Simon, still pulling his punches. *sigh*

****

Kady Malloy - Okay, another truly surprising fact. I would never pegged her as an opera singer.

That’s a really unsteady/awkward entrance, grrl. Ooops! Misstep.

Some things should be left to the professionals. Don't try this at home kiddies!

Ladies, one of the worst things you can do is wear heels that are too high for you. Soo defeats the purpose. Plus, better believe peeps are watching your ass, waiting for you to trip. Too High Heels brings out the Evol in us common folk. Jes sayin’.

Yawn. I love Magic Man by Heart But this version is more like Watching Paint Dry Man.

Where is the Magic, Kady? Where. Is. The. Magic?

It's not here.
It's Disappeared.
Like it never wuz.
Like Magic.

Yawn.

Randy – she “never found the pitch”? Except when she almost pitched down the stairs….

Paula - ::speaks in sentence fragments then stumbles into incoherence::

Simon, what did you just say? You’ve never heard this song before?! Me=speechless.

****

Ayeshia Eppersen. Not surprised at all that she was a cheerleader.

Dang, she’s gonna take on Celine? Ooooh. She missed the first high note. ::cringe::. Okay, she’s pulling out all the stops now. All By Myself, no more; I’m on board with you now, girlfriend.

She brought it home.

Randy -- Yo, she bizzled it home, fo shizzle my drizzle! Word to yo mizzle. (Randy, follow this link. You need some new material, trick.)

Simon. Go home. Booo-urns!

Paula, bottoms up!

Considering Ayeshia is getting over some sort of cold/flu, I think she gave the best performance, simply because she had some of *passion* I’ve been looking for all night.

****

My money’s on Alaina and Amanda being nominated tomorrow.

*****

Ryan thanks the band, Randy, Paula, the production team, his mother and father. He thanked his dog, his cleaning lady, the homeless guy who watches his car for a quarter when he parks illegally to pick up his dry cleaning. The pool boy, his fifth grade home Ec teacher, his ex (who was so understanding about that night). The creators of Velcro, the color purple, the letters 'F' and 'U', the pool boy again, Obama, the makers of Fabreeze., all the Ewoks, his personal trainer, the janitor, the guy who picks out all the brown M & Ms from the bowl in his private dressing room. his chef, all the dizens of the lost city of Atlantis, the parking lot attendant, the chick who does his brazillian wax, and the pool boy, yet again.

Everyone but Simon. Meee ow.

Somewhere, someone is writing one hell of a slashy angry make-up sex scene. heh.

Go ahead, google it, dawg.



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