At least Mace Windu didn’t die like a punk.

Friday, May 20, 2005

We saw STAR WARS Episode III last night. While it’s better than the last two, it was not a good movie.

* Too much CGI scenery/effects, instead of focus on the human elements. I wanted to see more interaction with the characters, not another ‘cool’ gadget/machinery.

* The dialogue was LAUGHABLE. Cheesy, stiff and stilted, fifties-tinge melodrama. It was clunky and ‘telling’, and a poor substitute for character development. I wanted nuance and complexity. Not declarative sentences, full of ‘foreshadowing’.

*Ewan Macgregor ROCKS!!! A true Jedi thespian. That man was the Hellman’s mayo on the hamminess of the ham sandwich of that movie.

*Sam went out with nostrils flaring. (as usual.)

*WTF happened to Padme? Every time she showed up, she was a spaghetti spined creature, whining and whimpering for her man. Where’s the decisive, strong-minded leader of the past two movies? I wanted to bitch-slap her into the Delta Quadrant where Captain Janeway or the Borg Queen would remind her of the proper behavior for a kickass space diva. (btw, any of the Star Trek First Gen movies blow this last Star War Trilogy into the deep worm hole –and you know what ‘hole’ of the worm I'm referring to.)

*All the flashy lights in those sabre fight scenes? Distracting. Not. Cool.

*I did not believe for one single minute Annikin’s rapid decent into darkness. And his motivation was weak reasoning, especially when you take into account his first slaughter victims.

*Although it felt like weeks, I’m guessing a period of months went by. The reason this is an issue? Padme’s amazing turbo pregnancy. Swear ta gawd her belly got bigger in each scene. lol.

*The final moment between Obi and Anni was *The Best Moment* in the whole dang movie, hands down. (Final we got a dollop of real emotion.) And I do mean *the final* moment. The rest of their showdown/fight scene was very anti-climactic. In fact I liked the final fight between Obi and General Grievace, or, even the showdown between the Emperor and Yoda, better.

*The Emperor/Chancellor/Darth Snidely Whiplash Siddius, was sooo two dimensional. At any moment he could have slapped on a top hat, twirled and imaginary moustache and said to Annikin: “I’ve got you now my pretty. Bwahaahahahahahahaa.” Actually, he did do that maniacal evil laugh. For real, yo. :-P

*The last 5-10 mins of the movie felt like a wrap up. With a lot more declarative pronouncements. For example, why have Yoda announce he will have to go into exile?

*The transition between scenes and the 'presentation' of them (cause that’s what it felt like) was clunky. It was: “Here is this scene, that establishes this thing about the character/plot; scene over.” “Here is the next scene, that establishes this thing about character/plot; scene over.” “Here is the next scene, that establishes this thing about character/plot; scene over.” Remember that old (cheesy) Batman show with Adam West, and they’d have the scenes spin onto or off of the screen? That’s how the progression of this movie felt.

*If you’re on the fence about seeing this one, don’t. Wait for the DVD/video. But, I guess it’s worth seeing this final installment, if you’ve been following all along. I was honestly somewhat bored for most of the movie. I didn’t feel anything was at stake. I didn’t feel any chemistry between the characters. There were no nuances revealed. Even the fight scenes felt flat.

I think I’ll stop here. If you want to read more, check out Mrs. Giggle’s who I think brought up some points I didn’t (but I agree with, except for Hayden’s acting. But to be fair to Hayden, and all the other actors, there’s just so much you can do with awful dialogue and direction).

**update: John Scalzi has two reviews up. The Long Form Review, and aMini Review--which pretty much sums up my take on it, too. lol. One thing he said that struck me, in his long for review, was-- "...it's clear that even Lucas was bored..." --he was referring to Clones, but I thought/felt this (ie, the Lucas was bored) with Epi III. An aside here, we watched the Tarrantino CSI season finale. And the contrast between the two 'movies' couldn't have been more stark. The CSI episode was filled with all the emotion, characterization and tension I wanted to see in Episode III. Tracy, blogged about it here.

Diana, on the other hand, really liked Episode III.

This guy also enjoyed the movie. I sort of agree with his 'good things' list/points (but with far less enthusiasm).
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8 comments:

Jordan Summers said...

I was afraid of that. My dh REALLY wants to go see this one. I don't. Not after the last two. Shudder. I'm glad you at least say it's better than the others. I don't think that would take much. I guess this is what happens when you grow up on the originals.

Sasha said...

GREAT CRITIQUE!!

Amie Stuart said...

I have no choice but i'm waiting until next Wednesday.....=(

Danica said...

Well, I can't say I'm surprised... :(

Anonymous said...

Ah, well, I'll wait until the hoopla dies down, but I'll go. Star Wars fan from the beginning, so must see it to the end.
Sounds like what I expected, though. Lucas is NOT a people person, never was. The actors from the first trilogy said he rarely even spoke to direct them, & swore he would've made the movie without a single human being if he could have.
But I don't mind paying a few bucks to see Ewan...oh, yeaahhhhh.....

~Dreamweaver

Michelle said...

I haven't seen it yet, but we'll probably go. Episodes I and II were _awful_, though. The dialogue in II and the "love story" were incredibly stilted. We'll see how it goes. :)

Dana said...

I saw it oon opening night as I have been a Star Wars fan from the beginning. I do agree that Lucas' dialogue is horrible, but I am used to that and didn't expect it to be different from the other five movies. I have wanted to see how Darth Vader is born and now that I have seen it, I wish he hadn't have goneover to the dark side. Hayden is just too hot to be under that black helmet. LOL

Anonymous said...

One - there was nothing wrong with THE PHANTOM MENACE or ATTACK OF THE CLONES. I see that you're one of those who like to join the bandwagon. And since it's popular to bash the first two PT, I have to read your crap.

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