Unmasked as a sexist.

Yesterday in the ‘Tinkerbelle’ discussion below, one of my comments/replies stuck in my mind, because it seemed such backwards sexist thinking. I wrote that I didn’t want my Hero to be ‘powerless’. Vulnerabilities, hints of darkness, faults and weakness? Fine. But not ‘powerless.’

Later that evening, I came across a discussion on a listserve where one person noted that the allure of the Vampire hero was that he was Dark and Masterful, but because of the ‘fantasy’ aspect, his Uber-Alpha arrogance was rendered much more palatable. (I’m putting my own interpretation on the poster’s comments, here.) Yet, the thing bugging me, was that I realized I didn’t have the same reservations for the heroine; I didn’t mind at all if she was position of powerlessness in the story. No, wait! Before you tear up my membership card to the sisterhood, hear me out.

I don’t want my hero in a position of powerlessness because I want him to be ‘brought to his knees’ during the course of the story. Not literally, but whatever distant plane he existed on, where love did not touch him, he didn’t believe in it, I want him knocked off of it. I want love to come down on him like a sledge hammer. I want him to understand and experience the sacrifice, pain, joy, contentment, passion, support, etc of love. And I wanted him to do all this while still being the ‘Alpha’ that I adore.

Conversely, I want(ed) the heroine to show her intelligence, strength, resourcefulness, confidence as part of her growth arc. So if she was powerless in some way at the beginning of the story, by the end she should have achieved some sort of power, gained insight, moved forward. Ironic—and stupid—that I should think that for him to be better, he needs to be brought down, and for her to be better, elevated. But there it is.

I know the above statements won’t bear too close inspection, it’s twisted logic, yet it’s the best I can do to explain what I’m thinking. Does anyone else think this way? I know some readers are very fond of the *Big Grovelling* scene, where the arrogant hero confesses his love and begs the heroine's forgiveness for being such an asshole. This is the literal manifestation of what I'm talking about, (some people even want to see him "on his knees") but I don't really mean (or need) that.