Sekseh Stankonia

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Just read a scene in an erotic romance where the hero asks the heroine to stick her finger up her poop hole. She does.

And I'm thinking: Not hot.

I'm thinking stink-finger.

He then goes down on her, while her finger is still pumping away.

And all I'm thinking is stink-finger.

Now he's ready to do it doggy-style and tells her to get on her knees. (Now raise your butt in the air and wave it like you just don't care....)

And I'm still tracking that stink-finger. Where is it? Oh, wait, he just told her to touch her breasts. With which hand? The stink-finger hand? Is there a transference issue here? Will she now have stink-nipple? Where's the finger now? On the pillow? The sheets?

::tracking the stink::

You remember that special 60 mins did on hotel-room bathrooms years ago, and they tested all the surfaces for traces of ecoli/feces? I've turned into the 60 min reader/reporter during this love-scene. I am the reagent reader Amido Blacking my way through this scene for all traces of where that finger might have been. Each reference of choreography is going through my mental Luminol and the whole darn page is lighting up like a mukkerfekker.

oOOh, hot climax (That's my boy!). But where's the finger? She has long hair, way past her shoulders--wouldn't she have to brush it back away from her face at some point? With the doigt de puanteur? The finger of funk? The digit of disrepute?

Grrrl, check under that nail. Your French manicure may now be a French manurecure.

Awww, now they're snuggling. Stink-figer? Where art thou?

End chapter.
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Gennita said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Finger of Disrepute should be The Title Of The Year.

Also, I'm trying to imagine the body contortions of one's finger up one's stinkyhole, pumping away, while someone is going down on one. She must have a Very Long Finger of Disrepute. Or a dislocated shoulder. Or maybe she worked for Cirque de Soleil?

raine said...

Dammit, Jaq, the least you could've done was post a spew alert!

Ahhh-haaa...wiping tears from eyes--with a clean finger, 'kaythanksmuch.

azteclady said...

oh lord

I need more coffee

vanessa jaye said...

Gen, there were a number of postions throughout the book that would be physically impossible. I just stopped thinking about it.

vanessa jaye said...

Raine, as you know.... it gets worse. ;-)

lol. Sorry Aztec. I'll post a warning next time.

Amie Stuart said...

>>French manurecure.

*Howling* YOu are SO BAD! *off to remove anal insertion from current wip*


vanessa jaye said...

Amie- I can't say I've never wondered about *that* finger before in similar scenes/books, but for some reason I just got fixated on this one. I guess it's because normally the finger insert has to do with prepping for full on anal, this scene was specifically about the pleasure dervived visually (for him) and physically for her in the act. :-P

btw, there was another finger/anal scene (for the usual "stretching" reason) and almost right after the hero was, shall we say, fully seated, both his hands were in/on her choochie. Not hygenic!! Someone's gonna smell like the busted outhouse beside the fishmonger's dumpster, is all I'm sayin.

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