Dog vs Cat (joke)

Thursday, July 31, 2008


DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! Woo hoo! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!


CAT DIARY





Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the staircase.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. Iam certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so for now, he is safe.

Until tomorrow,
Cat
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7 comments:

raine said...

YES! YES!!
LMFAO!!!!
SO right on the mark! Ha-ha-haaaa!!!! :D

vanessa jaye said...

My neighbour has a curly lab (Coco) and a cat (Smokey) who fit this post to a tee. lol

raine said...

r.comI've had dogs and cats, Jaq--it is true!

Amie Stuart said...

I laughed SO HARD! And I just got done reading it to the boys--cuz I'm mad at the dog who decided to chew on my yardwork flipflop--her apparent favorite thing :(

vanessa jaye said...

Ahh, yes... I haven't had a dog as a pet for years, but I remember the shoe chewing. ::frowns::

Lee Morrison said...

Too funny!

Lyn Cash said...

oh gaaaawd - howling here

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