Jokes

Friday, August 25, 2006

I have this beautiful Black Labrador Retriever. One day I was at Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog food for him. While waiting in line at the check-out, this woman behind me noticed the bag and asked me if I had a dog. On impulse I answered her no, that I was going back on the Purina diet. (I can't help myself, but sometimes I have no patience for inane conversations and questions!) I told her that even though the last time I did this I ended up in the intensive care unit it was worth the risk because the diet was so effective; I had easily lost 50 lbs.

She asked me for more information about the diet. I told her that it was a great diet, that the Purina was nutritionally balanced. All you do is load your pockets with it and every time you feel hungry you just nibble a few nuggets. The pounds just melt away.

She commented that if it was such a great diet why did I end up in intensive care. Was I poisoned by something in the dog food?

I told her no, the dog food was perfectly safe, but I got hit by a car while I was sitting in the street licking my balls!

She didn't ask any other questions.


* * * * * * * * * *


A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that
the
kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on
where
she is in her monthly cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged
and
masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she
tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat
jammed up
his a$% while he is on fire.

NOTE:

Further studies in this area have been canceled.

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4 comments:

Amie Stuart said...

>>I got hit by a car while I was sitting in the street licking my balls!

BWAAAAAAAAAAAA HEre's your Sign!

Dee said...

ROFL, you know, they should have tested divorcees too. I'd think they'd find some surprising results!

Dee

raine said...

I love the monthly cycle study.

So true, so true, lol!!!!

Jaye said...

I've rec'd a bunch of 'people are stupid' joke/emails, but this dog-food diet one I just had to post. *gg*

The second joke held extra meaning for me this past week...

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