Jokes

I have this beautiful Black Labrador Retriever. One day I was at Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog food for him. While waiting in line at the check-out, this woman behind me noticed the bag and asked me if I had a dog. On impulse I answered her no, that I was going back on the Purina diet. (I can't help myself, but sometimes I have no patience for inane conversations and questions!) I told her that even though the last time I did this I ended up in the intensive care unit it was worth the risk because the diet was so effective; I had easily lost 50 lbs.

She asked me for more information about the diet. I told her that it was a great diet, that the Purina was nutritionally balanced. All you do is load your pockets with it and every time you feel hungry you just nibble a few nuggets. The pounds just melt away.

She commented that if it was such a great diet why did I end up in intensive care. Was I poisoned by something in the dog food?

I told her no, the dog food was perfectly safe, but I got hit by a car while I was sitting in the street licking my balls!

She didn't ask any other questions.


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A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that
the
kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on
where
she is in her monthly cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged
and
masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she
tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat
jammed up
his a$% while he is on fire.

NOTE:

Further studies in this area have been canceled.