Later on, she’d never be able to say what it was about him that had stunned her to silence. His scent? A hint of sandalwood and citrus, mingled with the essence of clean cloth and hot skin. His eyes? The irises weren’t just black. They were startling black, velvet black, night-sky in the summertime black. Black out of bounds and depthless. His gaze enveloped her completely.
I wrote that yesterday. I like it. It's a bit of a challenge to make a 'first meet' different & fresh from other first meets that I've written before. I always want it to be special and unique for the particular wip couple, and to capture the magic, the breathlessness of that moment for the reader. I tend to go for the sexual attraction angle, as you can tell. heh. Anywho, going try and finish this chapter this weekend.
11 comments:
Ooh, I like, Jaye!
I tend to go for a level of attraction/pull as well, although I normally have h/H's who've known each other before.
I love it but that goes without saying....
how many pages you got so far *ggg*
Like! I'm a sucker for eyes.
LOL! Serves me right for taking a break from writing. Now i feel despondent, desolate, my widdle writerly soul shrouded in black, black, black depression. ;-) ha!
Hey, Lin, good to see you. I lurk over on your blog regularly, even though I might not comment. Still doing the cha-cha of happiness for your sale!
Amie, be nice now. ;-) I post my results tomorrow. ::crossing fingers behind back::
Jorrie, I'm a sucker for the eyes too.
Cece,that's the thing I try to avoid. That and the endless taking inventory' approach: He was 6'2" blue eyes with dimples and a cleft in his chin, his hair was blonde with rich streaks of honey gold and platinum running through it and was just long enough to sweep his collar. He wore...yaddah,yaddah, more items/attributes listed. *gg*
Not saying that never works, it can be very effective-- or that I've never used this type of meet--but sometimes the lists get too detailed and way out of hand. :-P
I like it! But it was funny cause I'd just come from reading the entries at the Cows and how the repitition would go over. So I was GMBO when I saw #1 over here.
But you knows I loves ya!
the endless taking inventory' approach
*runs screaming from the blog, stops and glances guiltily at her wip*
*gulp*
Kat: Pretty darn good example of pushing an editor's pet peeve button. ;-) And what gets my goat is, the cow is probably right. *g* I tweaked all the 'black' repetition. Although not sure if I like the new version as well as the original.
Cece- lol. Like I said, it's effective, and I've done it myself. It's when it gets too long, lumped into one paragraph that it can sometimes be a problem, especially if the terms used aren't 'fresh'.
*sigh* I'm gonna have to shelve a lot of the current chapter. It's need more focus, which means some plotting/revisions has to be done. I was getting into that lotsa dialogue/nuttin happening scenario, when I had a lot of elements and a couple of new characters I wanted to introduce. And I need to change the heroine's occupation. It's not working as is. It's 2 am here. Time to call it a night. If I can nail the plan of the rest of this chapter tomorrow, there's still a chance I'll finsih it this weekend.
So sleeping on it, worked. I've got a better on the action, I'm re-introducing the hint of danger and I think it should go well.
Update. Whatever I wrote on the weekend which was, admittedly, precious little, is being cut. In fact the whole chapter is lunch meat.
*sob* I had an epiphany after doing some brainstorming with a friend this weekend on her recent requested ms. Her story has such complex characters, and she really knew them, their childhood, etc. And i realized I don't know my H/h well enough and that's why I have no idea about the plot and why the story has been such a MAJOR uphill battle to write. So I'm going to take a couple of days and flesh out my H/h. From the few things i came up with yesterday, I knew the current chapter had to go. Not enough conflict and doesn't move the story along in any meaningful way.
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