Sneak Peek - The Lost

**copywrite, yaddah, yaddah

Needs tweaking, but I'm starting to have fun with this one. It just might be worth something when it's done. :-)

The kinlins swarmed in a half circle round her and Callum. Their large doe-like eyes, staring out of cherubic faces, fastened onto Yancy with terrifying avarice.

“The Princesss. Give us the Princesss,” they hissed as one in childish voices. The clicketty-click of their sharp, little, teeth spiked chills into her spine. Unbound. Dear god, their mouths were all unbound.

“I think not.” Callum swung his sword in a smooth arc, keeping them at bay. “Who sent you?” he demanded.

“Those who you would thwarted. Have care the enemies you make, Beguiler,” one kinlin warned, pointing a large tell-tale finger at Callum. These assassins were small, but their hands were monstrous. All the better to hold onto their prey.

“Don’t waste our time with your questionsss, or your pathetic attempts to entrance us.” This one grinned, showing those pernicious teeth. “Give her to us, and you won’t be harmed.” Clicketty-click, clicketty-click.

“On your honor?” Callum asked and Yancy tore her gaze away from the trolls to stare at him in shock.

“Yess, yess, yess.” A few kinlin moved forward, clicketty-click punctuating their words.

Yancy swung her torch at them. “No!” Her arm trembled with the effort, and a flash of sweat bathed her. Hot, then cold, then sour.

“You heard the lady,” a smile tilted Callum’s mouth. “No.” His smile faded and his voice turned hard. “There’s also the well-known fact your kind have no honor. The Princess and I will be leaving here together. Alive.”

“Think again, beguiler.”


I'll stop at this point for tonight. I find fight scenes just as demanding to write as love scenes. You gotta do the whole choreography thing--what body part does what to where, action vs reaction, etc.,--but not too much of it, or it'll read like you're giving instructions, and the sense of immediate danger goes poof!. Also you have to watch your verbs/adjectives for repetition, or overdoing it, or sounding like a thesaurus. Pacing is another big bugaboo. Too much description/introspection, and you lose energy. Too little and you lose emotional impact. Remember to use all the senses. Short sentences are preferable, but too much and the whole thing reads choppy.

*sigh* Did I say I was having fun?