No Sale

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

I went to the gym thinking it was just a routine orientation session (they make you sign up for one when you join): "this is how this machine works, this is the muscles it targets, this is one you should use since you mentioned you were concerned with this body part", etc. Turned out it was a fitness evaluation/session, and, of course I *knew* they'd try and sell me an expensive package of sessions with a trainer by the end of it. ::rolls eyes::

I told him no.

But the boy is pushy. He's a bit of an ass actually. I tend to be very laid back/lackadaisical. (People say I'm relaxing to be around) but don't take my laidback attitude as 'lazy' or unmotivated. Or stupid. Jerk. I was tired, and was not in the proper frame of mind to be put through an (unexpected) vigorous workout. I know what I'm capable of, and you implying that I'll not reach my targets because I need to be motivated and how you don't want to waste your time on this or that if I'm not going to be motivated blahblahblah just pissed me off. See this laidback smile? Look into the eyes. They ain't smilin'.

No, I'm not super gun ho to jump into Phrase One (or whatever goobledegook you were sprouting) But you don't know me. I know me. I know I need to start in moderation then ratchet it up. Moron. I've been in and out of gyms for years; up until a couple of years ago I ran 2 miles everyday. Not to mention track n field and gymnastics while in school. Long history of being in shape, baby. So you will not be getting a slice of my kid's college fund, cause I already know shit. And what I don't know I can buy for $5 on the magazine rack. By the way, I've worked out with a trainer before Oh Great Oz.

So yeah, I'll be taking your gut busting ab class tomorrow (at dawn with pistols ::slaps glove across his smarmy face::), and yeah, I'll be coming in on Saturday morning to work a session with one of your trainers gratis (who I know you'll instruct to work me extra hard), so I "can see what the optimal intensity level is for hitting my targets." Then I'll just take my well pumped ass on home and come back the next day and work at my own goddamn intensity FOR FREE.

How do you like that for furkin motivation Ya No-Necked freak?!?!?

Now, I"m gonna find me some Bengay....

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Steph T. said...

"So yeah, I'll be taking your gut busting ab class tomorrow (at dawn with pistols ::slaps glove across his smarmy face::)"

Why can I picture this perfectly?

Kat said...

Laughin'-my-ever-lovin'-ever-expandin'-rear-end off over this! (I wish)

I can totally see you stickin' your finger in this guys chest and backing him up, letting him have it with both barrels.

Don't. Mess. With. Miss. Jaye.

Live It. Learn It. Obey It.

raine said...

And this is this guy's idea of MOTIVATION??!

Let's hope this idiot is never allowed to procreate.

Jaye said...

He's definitely of the school of "Move it maggot!" drill sargent type trainer. I was not impressed. I've worked with a trainer who was a kinesiologist and nutritionist. So I saw right through all this guys 'tecnical/scientific' terminology (half of which he couldn't even spell properly) bullshit. A

nd I didn't give a fly jump at a rolling donut which "name" gym (now gone bankrupt) he worked for previously.

He just would not take "no" for answer. He kept trying to sell me different packages, wanted to know why I wouldn't sign up? Is it money? Here's a smaller package and you can pay installments" Aren't you paying attention Mornon, I'm not prepared to spend one red cent at this time. I guess he thinks once I go thru a session with his boy and see how out of shape I am, and how much I really need their services and I will whip out my cheque book on the spot.

Did he not read my freakin applicantion? I'm in banking. Credit mgmt - mortages & securities. I am paid to make smart money decisions every day. I don't do so dumb well.

Jaye said...

heh. I just rememeber something from when my kid was in Air Cadets. At summer boot camp on sargent (can't remember proper title) goes to them after he had them practicing all those 'stand at attention' excercises out in the hot sun for some ungodly amount of time: "Don't look at me, I'm not your mother, I don't love you."


Diane said...

Too funny. You know they had to try.

Suzanne said...

ohmygod, that back is so scary!!!

Michelle said...

Thanks for the laugh, Jaq. Love it!! You are too funny.

Sasha said...

Whoo Hoo Jaye! Can I sick you on my trainer , who I used for three months and never got ANY results with? LOL

Oh, he's gone now. :)

Danica said...

Ah, and this would be the reason why I haven't set foot in a gym in uh, a lot of years. :)

Biddy said...

Sounds like an arse.
I am lucky to have a lovely trainer who is the wall between me and a pack of cigarettes. All the money I spent on the evil weed goes on him. He is also good eye candy! Hey I know I'm shallow.

Larissa said...

LOL! I hate gyms!

Amie Stuart said...

LMAO@not your mother I don't love you!

Julius Zielke said...

I really appreciate people like you who take their chance in such an excellent way to give an impression on certain topics. Thanks for having me here.

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