Cop Quotes

Saturday, February 26, 2005

In my continued quest to be a lazy blogger, I just plucked this off of a general messageboard. Thought it was good for a giggle.

The following were heard on police car videos:

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Blog Widget by LinkWithin


Linda Winfree said...

LOL. BTW, Jaye, the DH has actually used the toaster line . . . only I think is was along the lines of "Yeah, I've almost met my quota. Two more a******* like you today and I get a toaster."

And he was the chief of police!

Jaye said...

lol, Linda. I think I like your DH's reply better. I wish I'd thought up half these replies and had them coming from my characters' mouths. I love a good comeback. That last one was a major 'ouch!' gg.

Teresa said...

LOL! OMG that last one was hilarious! Well they all were but that last one. . . .

You don't mind if I copy and paste do you?

Jaye said...

Be my guest. :-)

Lynn said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, thanks so much for the laugh! I needed it.

Larissa said...


Related Posts with Thumbnails

2008 Vanessa Jaye | All Rights Reserved | Design by Katrina Glover | Back to top

You are visitor number:

web stats