Cop Quotes

Saturday, February 26, 2005

In my continued quest to be a lazy blogger, I just plucked this off of a general messageboard. Thought it was good for a giggle.

The following were heard on police car videos:

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

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"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
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"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
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"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
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"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
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"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
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"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
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"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
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"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
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"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
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"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
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"Just how big were those two beers?"
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"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
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"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
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"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
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6 comments:

Linda Winfree said...

LOL. BTW, Jaye, the DH has actually used the toaster line . . . only I think is was along the lines of "Yeah, I've almost met my quota. Two more a******* like you today and I get a toaster."

And he was the chief of police!

Jaye said...

lol, Linda. I think I like your DH's reply better. I wish I'd thought up half these replies and had them coming from my characters' mouths. I love a good comeback. That last one was a major 'ouch!' gg.

Teresa said...

LOL! OMG that last one was hilarious! Well they all were but that last one. . . .

You don't mind if I copy and paste do you?

Jaye said...

Be my guest. :-)

Lynn said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, thanks so much for the laugh! I needed it.

Larissa said...

LOL!

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